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Entries in Funeral (3)

Saturday
Nov172018

Bruce Speegle's Memorial

   

Bruce Speegle’s service was November 10, 2018 at the Church of the Red Rocks in Sedona, Arizona. Here are the words, written and recorded, from his daughters, “outgoing, little sister” Dr. Sara Day and “most practical sister” Bette Lynn Ramsey. (I am Bette Lynn’s husband.)

Click for an mp3 format recording of the eulogy below.


We would like to tell you a little bit about Dad and his life well lived before he moved to this beautiful area.  He was an only child, born in the small town of Sewanne Tennessee (population ~2,300) and raised in a nearby town half that size called Monteagle. 

To give you just a bit of trivia: Monteagle is on what the locals call Monteagle Mountain. This is a stretch of Interstate Highway that passes over the Cumberland Plateau. Being part of the plateau, it is not technically a mountain, but it sure looks that way if you are driving over it due to the steep grade. In fact, it is frequently referenced as one of the most treacherous stretches of interstate in the United States. So much so that Johnny Cash, a personal favorite of dad’s, wrote a song about it.

Perhaps this is what inspired dad, later on in life, to build highways and runaway truck ramps! But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Dad was an eagle scout growing up and an avid athlete in high school, playing varsity football, basketball, and tennis. From the pictures and memorabilia that he saved it also seems he was quite popular especially with the girls!

He joined the marines at he age of 17 during World War II and fought in the South Pacific. When the war was over he went first to the University of Tennesse and then to Colorado State University to play football and study civil engineering. 

Granddaughter Rachel Ramsey reads 1st Corinthians 13Even though he went out West, you can’t take the South out of a Tennessean as dad once told me he would pack a suitcase full of moonshine when back home in Tennesse to take back on the train for his buddies in Colorado! 

It was while he was in university that mom and dad meet on a blind date.  And, being tall, dark, and handsome he succeeded in sweeping mom off her feet. And sweep he did!  Together, following his career path as a civil engineer, they moved 11 times, lived in 7 states, and one foreign country.  They were married New Year’s Eve in 1950 and this December it would have been their 68th wedding anniversary.

Dad didn’t talk much about his career or achievements. In fact, dad didn’t really talk much at all!  What we gleaned over the years was either from mom or newspaper clippings.  His lifework of building highways and bridges began in West Virginia where he was hired by the engineering firm that built the West Virginia Turnpike in 1952. 

This Turnpike  climbs from an elevation of 600 feet at Charleston to an elevation of 3,400 feet at Flat Top Mountain and has 116 bridges - more than one every mile. It was nicknamed “the engineering marvel that beat the mountains“, as mountains literally had to be moved to complete the job. 

Dad was well liked and respected on the job. I know this from the lifelong friends he made while working on the project and the fact that in later years his boss became a district engineer in Pennsylvania and held the position of assistant district engineer a year waiting for dad to be able to take it.  

In 1954 dad’s father died so he and our mother moved back to his hometown in Tennessee to put his father’s affairs in order for his mother. This was where my sister and I were born but we didn’t stay long, because as soon as everything was in good order, dad took a job in Chicago, building the interchange at O’Hara airport. We then went to Portland, Maine where he engineered a bridge across the bay. After that we traveled across country to Tucson, Arizona where he was involved in building the missile silos. When that was finished, dad took a job in Thailand, building roads & bridges in the northern part of the country, while the family lived in Bangkok for 3 years.

In 1964, we returned to the US, this time to Pennsylvania where dad was first employed as an Assistant District Engineer for the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation and then later as District Engineer working in three different districts until he retired.  

Our knowledge of his work was limited during our years in Pennsylvania. All I really knew was that he was “the boss”, both at home and at work. It was later that I came to realize just how well respected and thought of he was by employees and employers alike. 

Grandson Robert Ramsey reads Psalm 121The employees because of his management acumen delivered with fairness and respect and employers not only due to his skill as an engineer and manager but also due to his uprightness of character and incorruptibility.  I know this, not only because past employees continued to contact him and express their respect, but also because he survived several changes of political climate when he could have been fired for not being a member of the elected party at the time, as well as in later years he was asked to move to a known problem district in order to clean up the corruption within that department.  

While in Pennsylvania, dad was a dutiful and active member of the community.  He was president of the Hospital Board, served on numerous charitable boards, and was an active Rotarian, and a faithful member of the United Methodist Church.  

I don’t know where he found the time to do all this and play golf (which he did most weekends) as well as attend every basketball and volleyball game, track and swim meet, band and chorus concert our sister and I participated in.  He even went to plays just to see the scenery my sister had painted!  

To say we were supported by our father is an understatement. He was the stability and the backbone of our family. Always quietly providing whatever we needed and a safety net we could count on. 

He was a firm believer in higher education and started saving for my sister and me to attend college the day we were born. We were encouraged to go out into the world with the belief we could achieve what ever we set our minds to. 

I always felt he was an advocate of equal rights and opportunities in a time when women’s rights were just beginning to be heard. And he taught me not to shrink from what is difficult and to stand up for what I thought was right. He had a keen sense of fairness and justice that he imparted to us.  I’m not sure how he did this exactly, as like I said, he didn’t talk much, being the strong silent type.  So it was wasn‘t so much in words as it was in his actions.  

Whenever I think of our father, 2 words immediately come to mind.  Honor and Integrity. Dad was an honorable man, full of integrity.

Definitions for honorable or honor include:

A person who believes in truth and doing the what is morally right, and lives up to high principles.

Who adheres to a high standard of conduct and has a keen sense of ethical conduct.

A Quality that combines respect, pride and honesty 

Beliefs and standards of behavior that make people respect and trust one.

Integrity, on the other hand, implies:

uprightness of character, trustworthiness and incorruptibility to such a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility or pledge.

Such definitions describe our father.  We could always be proud of him as he was all of these things and more. 

He treated his family, friends, superiors, co-workers, acquaintances and strangers with respect and was worthy of the respect of others. 

He did his duty in all things, not because he felt he had to but because he simply could not be any other way. It was in his moral fiber. 

Dad was also a loving husband, father, and grandfather. 

We chose the scripture First Corinthians chapter 13, particularly verses 4-7, because it aptly described the way our father loved us, especially our mother.

Love is patient and kind

Love is not jealous or boastful;

It is not arrogant or rude.

Love does not insist on its own way;

It is not irritable or resentful; 

It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right

Love bears all things, 

Believes all things, 

Hopes all things, 

And endures all things.

Love never ends.

 

We are so grateful to have had such a strong role model and blessed to have had such a good and loving husband, father, and grandfather.  

You will be missed.



 

 

 

Click obituary image for PDF of the obituary

 

Click for an Mp3 recording of Rachel Ramsey (granddaughter) reading First Corinthians 13

Click for an Mp3 recording of Robert Ramsey (grandson) reading Psalm 121

Click for a PDF copy of the Church of the Red Rocks bulletin (with photos)

Saturday
Jan072017

Get In The Picture

Mary Lu Ramsey  

July 12, 1937 – December 27, 2016

Who here is NOT in a Mary Lu photo? Not so fast. She had 5,000 on flickr and many more waiting to be photoshopped: lighting corrected, wrinkles ironed out, beards evened up, bodies smoothed, red-eyes removed, basically making us look to all as only someone who loves us dearly sees us.

What do you say to all this? Not just to the unstoppable love of God, that Tom read from Romans but to that obituary on the back of the bulletin? She wrote it. What a wonderful life.

  • Sister, student, spouse,
  • artist, activist, advocate,
  • teacher, tutor, tech,
  • professor, photographer, presbyter,
  • musician, moderator, mom

and grandmom. Grand indeed.

Like, Tom, I have a favorite version of Romans 8. I like the alternate translation found in a footnote of the New International Version for verse 28. And we know that in all things God works together with those who love him to bring about what is good. God is the subject not things in this translation, and there is a partnership with those who love him to make all things good. I commend to you this understanding rather than the fake good news that somehow bad begets good, pain produces progress, or sadness is the seed of joy all by themselves like God was an cosmic insurance adjuster reacting to evil by making us whole again after damage and injury, paying us back so we can go shopping for new and better goods.

Instead, this reading matches up with the rest of the reading of God’s action in the world and our lives. And, it points out that how those that love God back, join God in loving the world into the good, a vast angel wing conspiracy for bring good into the world.

Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood was a Presbyterian Minister who was ordained for children’s ministry on television. He was asked about how parents and teachers can help children deal with the horrors natural and human made that beam out for our screens. He shared what his mother did for him. She told him to look for the helpers. For the firefighters, rescue workers, medics, ordinary people who turn from their own sorrow to ease the suffering of others. Don’t focus on the chaos and destruction,  Look for the helpers, look for the helpers.

Speaking of helpers, my brothers Tom and Tim are here. They stepped up when needed. As always; as our parents did and taught us to do. There is one brother not here in body, Ric. Ric had a challenging life. Struggling with learning disabilities that made parenting and teaching him a struggle. How to behave, how to learn, how to read, things that came easy to his parents, things his brothers did well for the most part, were to him mysteries difficult to grasp, and he was difficult.

Did you read that after Ric was born, Mom went on from college to get her Master in Education with reading specialization, started as a part-time tutor for children with learning disabilities, which lead to a career teaching children who struggled with school how to read and learn. At the end she passed on her knowledge to another generation of teachers so they can give the help she struggled to find for her son Ric. Along the way she was a lifelong advocate for children with learning disabilities, strongly supporting Akron Area Association for Children with Learning Disabilities throughout her life, other than family, they were the last group she hosted in her home late this year, the aging activists she called the group. Did you see what she said about her education and training helping children with learning disabilities “her best teachers were her children”. Ric mostly I imagine. Mom was subtle like that, unlike her son who she NAMED JOHN.

I’m not telling you that all sadness and difficulty can be overcome, swept away, made all better. You know better. In fact, on the day she said everything went wrong, Ric, overwhelmed with life stopped struggling in this life and left it. Yet even in that horror we see Mom’s hope and work for the good and the better. We see Mom at Compassionate Friends helping others get through the hell of losing a child, giving the help she needed to others. Joining in with them in that vast angel wing conspiracy working for good with God. Look for the helpers when everything goes wrong, for the last 79 years you would most likely see Mary Lu…helping.

In 1907 a pastor, William Watkinson, wrote “it is Better to light a candle than curse the darkness”. A candle? In this and many other dark areas of life, Mary Lu was fireworks.

About those thousands of photos. When she was limited in what she could do, when breath was a struggle, she still wanted to photoshop, when she could not get to her desktop computer these last days her concern was not so much being bed ridden but that her notebook didn’t have photoshop on it.

Sorry Mom. I didn’t understand about those photoshopped photos. At the last when she couldn’t do all the good in the world she wanted, she turned to bringing the good out of even the most evil of photographs. Teasing beauty out of blandness, illuminating darkness, smoothing the rough edges in faces and bodies left by life’s struggles. Doing in photos what she did in life. Working for good in all things. Making the world a better place for those around her. Being the helper good people looked for.

When we look with fondness at all Mary Lu gave for children, church, and community, we remember the great gift given by God in Jesus Christ, who left heaven and came to us to show us how to live and die for others, as a servant for others. Because of his great gift, Mary Lu and we have life eternal.

Even though we know God’s power and love make Mary Lu as real and present to God as she ever was to us in this life. We still hurt, we groan inside too deep for words at her absence from our human senses. I have no prayers to answer the questions or fill in the blanks left by Mary Lu’s passing, we have to rely on God’s spirit to bridge that gap between the twin realities our aching loss and God’s amazing grace. For I cannot take away the pain that you feel at Mary Lu’s passing. For love and grief are different sides of the same coin, they are joined in this life, the only way to not receive grief is to reject the gift of love. Even Jesus wept at the passing of his friend, Lazarus. When we lose someone we love we grieve. So to deliver you from the grief you feel I would have to eliminate the love that you have for Mary Lu. You wouldn’t want me to do that even if I could. But what I can tell you that Mary Lu is at rest, free from the weakness of disease, and she is at home with the Lord, breathing easy.

Don’t let the grief of her passing end the spirit of kindness and helpfulness that Mary Lu embodied. Instead hold on that kindness, and honor her and Christ by joining with God bringing good, being a part of that vast angel wing conspiracy when folks look for the helpers, may they see you in that picture.

 

Granddaughter Rachel Ramsey had her own message.

 

Tuesday
Jun232015

Prompts for A Funeral Message

I have used these questions in talks with folks preparing funeral services for years. They are often helpful in bringing out memories that can be considered in preparing a sermon or eulogy.

I found these decades ago in a Ministry magazine, apologies to the original author. I included them here for my reference and other’s consideration and use.

  1. What is one descriptive word you would use to describe him?
  2. Did she have any particular loves or hobbies?
  3. Did he enjoy any particular songs, poems, or Scriptures?
  4. If you could name one value or lesson she wanted to teach the next generation, what would it be?
  5. What is the one accomplishment that would make his face light up when you mentioned it?
  6. What were some of her favorite phrases or sayings?
  7. Did she ever put anything up on the wall — a picture, a motto, a clipping that expresses who she really was?
  8. Did he like and use his first name? How did he introduce himself? What nicknames did he have?
  9. Was there a cause or movement that she felt deeply about and supported with time and treasure? What was it?
  10. If he could have me say one thing during the service, what do you think it would be?
  11. Why is the world a little different because of her?
  12. What will you miss most about him?